


how long will i love you

by ohtumns



Category: 2PM (Band), JYJ (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 18:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohtumns/pseuds/ohtumns
Summary: death does not do us part





	how long will i love you

She feels his hot breath trickling the tip of her nose and listens closely to his low, steady breathings. Her eyes remain close as he runs his finger up her skin, tracing imaginary lines on her arm while humming quietly. Shifting slightly in his position, careful not to wake her up, he lays his head on the pillow and wraps one arm around her waist.

The warmth from his body seeps into her skin, causing her to snuggle up closer to him. Nights like these are the ones she keeps close to her heart.

Especially when she opens her eyes and he isn’t there.

“You need to stop dreaming of me.”

She stirs from her sleep at the sound of his voice. Her eyes are damp again, just like those other times she had cried in her sleep. But it was hard not to cry when you keep on wishing for something that can never return.

Groaning out loud, she says, “Well, then you need to stop staring at me every time when I’m asleep.”

He simply gives her a half crooked smile. “You’re too beautiful for me to take my eyes off.”

She picks up the nearest pillow and hurls it toward his direction - but of course, it goes straight through him and knocks down the photo frame on her dresser instead.

Jaejoong chuckles in amusement. “I don’t see what you were trying to achieve by doing that.”

She lets out a cry of frustration before pulling the covers over her head and hiding herself under the sheets, hoping to get some sleep if she just pretends he isn’t there.

He continues to watch her in silence - just like her own guardian angel.

 

 

 

She wakes up with a jolt the next morning to the slamming sound of her bedroom door. Jaejoong is peering down at her with his arms crossed.

“What the hell was that?” she demands. “Why did you do that for?”

“You’re late,” he tells her, matter-of-factly, shifting his eyes over to the digital clock in her room. Following his gaze, she realises he was right and jumps off the bed hastily.

“What happened to my alarms?” she wonders out loud as she dashes past him and head for the bathroom. She remembers kicking the door close behind her, but he appears before her a second later.

“You slept through them all.”

“And you only wait until ten minutes later to slam the door?” she asks indignantly while turning on the shower. Without being invited, he steps under the water with her and asks in bewilderment, “How does this end up being my fault?”

She chooses to ignore him as she lets the run down her body while he still remains dry. Surprisingly, he knows better than to say anything else that might get on her nerves, hence disappearing for a while in an attempt to give her some privacy - even though he’s long invaded hers.

She keeps her eyes shut, mentally cursing herself for being late on the day she is not supposed to. If Jaejoong was still here, in bones and flesh, there’d be no doubt he would’ve awakened her with more ease.

Truly, she is a mess without him.

 

 

 

 “Kim Jiwon, I have a great preposition for you.”

She looks up from her computer screen distractedly. Seojoon is grinning down at her like the idiot he is, trying to convince her that this could be his most brilliant idea yet.

“Another one of your schemes?” she asks and goes back to editing her photos. “Sorry, but I’m not interested.”

“Can you at least hear me out first before pushing me aside?”

She groans inwardly. Seojoon can be pretty goddamn persistent if he wants to. “Quickly tell me then leave me alone.”

He leans in down close to her ear and says in a stage whisper, “I have someone that might be worth your time to have dinner with.”

As if on cue, Jaejoong suddenly appears on the edge of her table with a flabbergasted expression.

“ _I’ve never really liked this friend of yours_ ,” he starts to complain and shoots Seojoon a dirty look. “ _I knew he was trouble from the first time we met._ ”

“You don’t like anyone, period,” she mutters quietly under her breath. “You don’t even like the sweet, old lady who lives across the street from us!”

“ _Well, that’s because she was mean to me! Sweet, my foot. She was always accusing me of taking her cat away.”_

Jiwon rubs her temple tiredly as Seojoon asks, “What was that? Did you say something?”

Sighing out loud, she says, “Thanks, but I think I’m going to pass. I’m not looking to date at the moment.”

“At the moment?” her friend raises his voice. “How long has it been? A year?”

“ _Permission to smack his head_ ,” Jaejoong pipes up, already standing close behind Seojoon.

She ignores him. “I’m just in no hurry to date anyone yet. Can we just leave it at that?”

“But you won’t even give it a chance!” Seojoon protests. “Who knows you might actually like this guy?”

“ _Tickling his nose is good enough for me_ ,” Jaejoong shrugs, finger an inch away from Seojoon’s face.

“You deserve to be happy too, you know. I’m sure that’s what Jaejoong would’ve wanted for you.”

_“Where does he gets off acting like he knows me? We didn’t even talk much when I was alive!”_

Slamming her laptop shut, Jiwon pushes her chair and stands up abruptly. She meant to glare at her dead fiance, but of course Seojoon presumes it was directed at him.

“I’m just trying to look out for you here,” he holds up his hands defensively. “Look,” he takes a card out from his breast pocket and hands it over to her. “This guy, he’s a chef at this restaurant. I did a few pictorials for him when he launched his grand opening - really nice guy.  Why don’t you go over some time when you’re free and see if you might like to stick around for more?”

Seojoon waves her goodbye after leaving the card in her hands. She stares down at the card helplessly, noticing the name and a thought crosses her mind for a moment but she quickly brushes it off.

When she looks up again, Jaejoong is gone.

 

 

 

Later that night, she sits by herself in the balcony lost in her thoughts while overlooking the almost empty street. The cup of coffee remains untouched in front of her – just like those other times she makes herself the drink only to throw it away the next morning.

It’s hard drinking Jaejoong’s favourite caffeine when he is not there with her physically.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

“Do they even use pennies over there?” she asks without turning to look at him.

“Where?”

“Wherever you are now.”

He chuckles softly, making her stomach churns at the sound of his familiar laugh. It sounds so real, so alive, that she has a hard time believing that he is truly gone.

Maybe, she _is_ making this all up in her head – hallucinating because she misses him too much

“I’m real,” he says quietly, as though reading her thoughts. “I don’t know to explain it and I can’t either, but this is real. I can see you and talk to you because, well I’m not ready to move on yet.”

Resting her head against the railing, she looks over at him wistfully. She knows that she should be grateful, but she still can’t help wishing she’s able to touch him again. She misses the warmth of his skin against hers. She’s been feeling cold ever since the day he left her.

“What is it?” he asks her with a smile. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Shrugging, she says, “I just think it’s unfair how you still look ridiculously handsome even in your pale _spirit_ form.”

“Ah, so you still think I’m handsome?”

“I’ve never stopped thinking that you are!” she protests and sits up straight in her seat. “You’re still the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on – ghost or not.”

His smile gets wider as he laughs in amusement. “Well, thank you for making me feel better – despite the circumstances. You know, I’ve seen some pretty ghosts around, but none of them can ever come close to your beauty.”

She sticks her bottom lip out at him but still couldn’t keep the smile off her face. Jaejoong is still as charming as ever, even after death – which makes it harder for her to even find anyone worthy of his place in her heart. It was just impossible.

They grow quiet again for a while, before he suddenly breaks the silence.

“Are you going to the restaurant?”

She holds his gaze for a moment, trying to decipher his true feelings behind the seemingly innocent question but he’s always been good at putting up a front.

“I don’t know,” she tells him honestly. “Would you be ok with it if I do?”

It takes him a while to reply, as though he was trying to carefully choose his words.

“I just want you to be happy,” he says finally. “You’ve been cooping yourself up in this apartment for too long – it’s time you actually go out there and meet new people.”

She doesn’t say anything to that. She doesn’t say anything else either for about thirty minutes after that. When she looks up again, Jaejoong has disappeared and she realised – he hadn’t answered her question.

 

 

 

 

It took a whole lot of self-convincing and pep talks for her to even muster the courage to head down to the restaurant. It wasn’t the thought of dating again that appealed to her, yet Jaejoong was right – it’d be good for her to just get out and mingle around with people around her age and just learn how to live again.

Upon reaching, she realises that it is an open-concept kind of restaurant – where you could sit in front of the chefs, while they cook and prepare the food you. She was led straight to one of the counters, where she is placed next to a young-looking couple and an older woman to her left.

She informs one of the chefs, that she is looking for the person whose name was on the card given by her colleague – explaining that her company had done some pictorials when they launched their opening. Jiwon figured, that is the most sensible excuse she could come up with, not appearing too eager or desperate to be the one making the first move. Either way, she knows Seojoon would probably be laughing at her then, if he knew she had really gone through with his suggestion.

Subconsciously, she glances over her shoulder half-expecting to see Jaejoong there – but he isn’t and it gnaws at her conscience somehow.

“Hey there, I heard you’re looking for me?”

She whirls around at the sound of a man’s voice – only to be taken aback by the person that is staring back at her, slightly gaping.

“Jiwon? Is it really you?”

She lets out a small gasp of surprise, not expecting that their paths would cross again after all these years. The last time she saw him, was the day he broke her heart when he told her he’d be leaving the country for a while to pursue his interests. Even though they parted amicably, she never told him how broken she was over the fact that she wasn’t enough to make him stay.

“Junho,” she breathes, as he walks around the counter to give her a proper hug. He still looks the same – with his warm and friendly eyes that she has always loved and a smile that makes his whole face shines.

“When I saw your name on the card, the thought crossed my mind for a second,” she confessed when they finally pulled away. “But then I figured, it’s too much of a coincidence. How – when did you get back?”

He gestures for her to sit, while he takes the empty space next to her.

“Six months ago,” he says, never taking his eyes off her. “Came back here, made up my mind about opening this restaurant and here we are – I certainly didn’t expect to see you walking through my doors.” He pauses for a moment, giving her a long, thoughtful look and asks, “How have you been? I’m sorry I haven’t kept in touch all this time. I mean, you know – I wasn’t sure if you wanted me too…” his voice trails off, leaving a brief moment of awkward silence between them but she is quick to pick the conversation back up.

“It’s fine,” she tells him with a genuine smile. “I wasn’t expecting for you to, either. I know we just sort of…went our separate ways but hey – at least we got to say our goodbyes,” she tries to keep her voice upbeat, but she doesn’t want to seem as if she’s overdoing it.

And just like those other times, as always, her knight in shining armor doesn’t disappoint as Jaejoong reveals himself between them. She feels the lump rising in her throat, as she remembers those nights she stayed up to tell him stories about Junho. She didn’t want to – but he had insisted on knowing everything there is to know about her first love and the reason why it was hard for her to open up to anyone else after Junho, except for him eventually.

Partly, she knows Jaejoong was simply feeding his ego – but somehow, she could tell that he sensed her deeply buried feelings, all pent up since the time Junho left and it wouldn’t do either of them good if she didn’t let it out of her system.

It was moments like those that makes her miss him a little too much.

“Well, he certainly looks like someone who combs his hair every morning before leaving home.”

And just like those other times, she prays that heaven would be kind enough to open its doors to him and takes him in with his foul mouth and all.

Taking the chance while Junho is distracted by another chef asking him a question, she mutters through gritted teeth. “Who doesn’t comb their hair every time before they leave the house?”

“Me,” Jaejoong says proudly. “You know why? It’s because I look really good naturally, I can even step out even in just my sleeping clothes.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“You still put up with me for three whole years.”

She opens her mouth to say something else, but then Junho turns to look at her again so she quickly clamps shut, trying to ignore the sniggering ghost beside him.

“I’ll be right back with some of the best dishes you’ll ever taste in your life.”

She smiles and nods gratefully at him as she watches him disappear back behind the kitchen - all the while contemplating on back-handing Jaejoong even though she would just be hitting the wind.

 

 

 

 

A month later, on her 26th birthday, Junho surprised her with two tickets to a classical music performance – something she hasn’t been to ever since Jaejoong’s death. She didn’t think Junho would remember her fondness for such an event, but he has always been a sweetheart and he’s good with remembering the tiniest details about her.

Especially how he had come prepared with an extra coat for her, knowing she would get cold easily during the nights.

“Thank you,” she says with a blush as he helps to wrap it around her. “I’m always forgetting mine.”

“I know,” he says, the mischievous glint in his eyes clearly evident as he gazes back at her with a warm smile. “All these years, and you’re still the same. Shall we?” he offers his arm out to her, to which she gladly slips in her own.

As they walk inside the theatre, she couldn’t help glancing around for the presence she has gotten so used to – but he is nowhere in sight.

 

 

 

 

The first hour went great. She felt herself completely immersed in the music, relieving herself of the good times she used to have.

But then, came the second half, they started to play the song she has fought so long to forget. It is the same song that had been performed during the last show she had watched with Jaejoong. It is also the same song that she had listened to the night he died.

Junho could sense the sudden change in her. Her chest felt heavy and the room seem to be closing in on her. She looks up, mind spinning as she sees him standing at the other end of the theatre, staring back at her with the saddest expression she’s ever seen on him.

“I need to go,” she says quickly, standing abruptly as she excuses herself past the other audience. Junho follows closely behind her, all the while keeping quiet yet his hand never leaving her back.

 

 

 

 

Junho sent her home without a word about wanting an explanation. He drove in silence and upon reaching her apartment, she quickly uttered a quick thanks and another apology before practically bolting out of the car.

The whole elevator ride felt hellish and as soon as she steps inside the comfort of her home - their home - she collapse behind the door and break into loud sobs.

The song was just the trigger for all the deep, buried sadness she has kept concealed all these time. She did not cry when the police came knocking on her door, she did not cry on the day of his funeral and she surprisingly did not cry even when they returned his personal favourite camera, among his other belongings.

But now, as she sits there on the floor of an empty apartment, crying her heart out - she realises the pain she has kept to herself for the longest time. The silence didn’t use to bother her, but now it is eerily deafening. The armchair that he used to fall asleep on with a book on his chest looks abandoned and disturbingly empty. The little corner in the kitchen where he used to stay up late at night enduring his insomnia just seems dark and pitiful now.

She doesn’t know why, but she just couldn’t stop crying.

He appears then and tries to brush the tears off with his thumb but they both know it’s just a stupid attempt. He looks at her desperately, eyes begging for her to stop but she couldn’t. She is not able to listen to him this time.

“ _Jiwon_ , please,” she couldn’t remember when was the last time he had actually spoke her name. “Please stop crying.”

“I can’t!” she cries out, louder than she intended, the loudest she has ever spoken to him. They rarely fought - and even if they did, there wasn’t any need to yell or jumped on each other’s throats. They’ve always managed to work things out calmly and rationally - and she misses how patient and loving he’s always been with her.

“I can’t,” she repeats again, voice wavering. “This is all your fault. I told you to stop being _dead!_ Why can’t you just listen to me?”

She’s aware of how ridiculous she is being and how irrational she sounds. Jaejoong doesn’t deserve this - he doesn’t deserve to be blamed for something he never had a say in. She is being completely unfair but he is also the person who has hurt her the most.

“Why did you even have to be there that day?” she continues through the tears. “I didn’t even want the _stupid_ necklace - I told you it wasn’t important. I told you to come home straight that day so that we wouldn’t miss the drama finale. The one that you promised to watch with me till the end - and you broke your promise.”

Jaejoong watches her tear stricken face in silence, with an unreadable expression.

“I didn’t even care about the necklace,” she says again when he doesn’t say anything else. “Yes, it was pretty and yes, I showed it to you - but why would you even do that for me? If you weren’t there on that day, you wouldn’t have been shot and I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to your _ghost_ right now. You’d be here with me - alive and well and we would’ve been happy.”

“I wasn’t there because of the necklace,” he says quietly, averting his gaze away and stares blankly into the distance. She looks back at him incredulously, thinking if she had heard him wrongly.

“What do you mean? Then why were you there?”

His two soulless eyes shifted back to her - and even in that moment, she could see the genuine pain in them. He reaches out a hand to touch her face, in the only way he’s able to and gives her a small, wistful smile.

“Please don’t cry because of me anymore. You deserve to be happy, Kim Jiwon. And I’m really sorry that I can’t stop being dead. You don’t know just how badly I wished I could.”

Giving her one last, long look, he pats her head a tad too long and then disappears. She sits there, unblinking, confused as to what had just happened.

In his place, there is a small, wet spot - as though he had been crying with her and the tears are real.

 

 

 

 

Jaejoong stopped visiting her for about two whole weeks. He wasn’t there when she woke up in the mornings and his usual space on the window sill remained empty when she fell asleep at night.

She tried to convince herself that he had moved on for good, for a better life that is meant for him. Yet, she couldn’t help feeling lonelier than she had been in months. He had left without saying goodbye and she didn’t get a closure for the second time.

But then, on that Tuesday afternoon, while the skies are dark and pouring heavy rain, a sudden knock came on her door which hasn’t been welcoming any visitors as of late.

Without bothering to glance at the peephole, Jiwon unlocks the door and turns the knob - hearing Jaejoong’s nagging voice in the back of her mind, chiding her bad habit which could “potentially invite danger into their home.”

“Well,” she utters silently to herself. “You are not here anymore, so technically, this is just my home now.”

Her visitor stands there on the doorstep, looking back at her with uncertainty.

“Hey, noona. Bad timing?”

 

 

 

 

The last time she had seen Taeyong - was during his brother’s funeral, where they had both bid their farewell to Jaejoong, and also each other. He told her he’d be going back to the States, where he was pursuing his studies and saying that there is really no reason for him to stay around any longer.

“ _Hyung_ was all I had,” he had said and Jiwon remembers his sad, forlorn smile. “Sure, we fought a lot, but he was all I had left.”

The last image she has of him was his dark, red hair (which Jaejoong had strongly disapproved of when he had shown her a photo from Taeyong’s instagram, citing ‘ _he looks like a baboon - does he know he looks like a stupid baboon? Should I fly him back here so I can make sure he doesn’t ruin his gifted face and my good image?’_ ) even though she knew he was just missing his little brother terribly, though he’d never admit.

But the young man sitting in front of her now had gone back to his natural black roots and the maturity of his boyish face had developed over the years she hadn’t seen him, refining his sharp features which he shares similarly with her dead boyfriend. Jiwon tries her hardest to ignore the lump in her throat, as she distracts herself from the striking resemblance Taeyong bears with his brother. It is honestly painful how almost alike they look - and if she didn’t know any better, she might’ve believed Jaejoong had a twin he never told her about.

She gestures towards the steaming cup of hot chocolate she had set on the table in front of him. “Drink up. I still remember back then when we were Skyping how you’d always have a cup in your hands whenever you told us how cold the weather was.”

Taeyong breaks into a small grin. “I didn’t think you’d remember that, noona. Most of the time, _hyung_ was busy picking on something I did or said and you’d say bye to me before I even get to greet you properly.”

Jiwon snorts. “He was such a fusser, wasn’t he? He really hated your hair. The red one.”

Taeyong runs his hand through his now-black hair instinctively and smirks. Just then, he leans forward and shows her his left ear.

“See the holes? I even had piercings done.”

Jiwon’s eyes widen in surprise. Jaejoong would’ve had a fit if he had seen it back then. She doesn’t think the poor boy could’ve had a chance of surviving if his brother had found out the truth.

She starts to laugh nervously, suddenly remembering the fact that there is a chance the dead might pop up uninvited. Ghost Jaejoong would be scarier to deal with.

“Taeyong-ah,” she clears her throat, trying to change the subject. “I’m really happy to see you and all, but what are you doing here exactly? I thought you said you weren’t coming back.”

At this, the smile falters on his face as he holds her gaze a little longer than she would’ve liked. She could sense it, the heartbreak that is soon to follow the second he speaks.

“Noona,” he begins, reaching into his front pocket and slowly takes out a small diamond-cut black box. Carefully, he places it on the table and pushes it towards her. “Firstly, I’m sorry for keeping hold of this for so long, but please believe me when I say, at that point of time - I only wanted to protect you.”

Her eyes dart back and forth from the box in front of her to Taeyong’s face, full of question. If she were to be honest, she could’ve guessed from the moment he presented the box with a pretty silver bow on top, she knew what it is. But she does not want to believe it - because believing in it means accepting the fact that Jaejoong still had been there that day because of her. And if he wasn’t, he would still be here - giving her the box himself, instead of Taeyong.

The latter takes a deep breath, before continuing when she did not say anything else.

“The police had given it to me when I went down to identify his body, just before you came. They said it fell out of his pocket during the struggle. You know,” he chuckles darkly. “Ironic how I had just came back the day before for my semester break, wanting to surprise both you and hyung - but instead, I was the one in for the shock of my life.”

Jiwon starts shaking her head in denial, refusing to accept Taeyong’s explanations. It couldn’t be - Jaejoong couldn’t have been planning to do that and then just leave her without a word. Surely, God can’t be that cruel to take him away when they were about to build a whole future together.

“Noona,” Taeyong tries again as he scoots closer to her and reaches out for her trembling hands. “Please say something. The only reason I had kept it from you is because I did not want to bring you more pain. You were in a such difficult place - I couldn’t do that to you.”

Jiwon opens her mouth to say something but all that came out are choking sobs and broken tears. Instinctively, Taeyong pulls her into a warm embrace and holds her close and tight.

She sees him then - through glistened eyes and blurred vision - Jaejoong standing at the other end of the sofa, watching them regretfully. She can see it through his eyes, how terribly sorry he was that she had found out the truth, but at that moment - she couldn’t look at him.

So she closes her eyes, and let the tears fall.

 

 

 

That night, after Taeyong had gone home (with much convincing from Jiwon that she would be fine on her own), she sits on the window sill Jaejoong favours so much and stares up at the dark sky.

The air in the room turns chilly all of a sudden, and even without turning, she knows that she isn’t alone anymore.

“He shouldn't have done that. He should’ve just kept the ring to himself like he has all these while and just let you be with your life. You were doing fine.”

Jiwon scoffs in response, still refusing to look at him. “I was not fine two weeks ago, or have you forgotten that?”

He sets himself down opposite of her much to her annoyance. “Things could’ve gotten better. That was why I stopped coming. You were better off without me, ghost or not. You need to move on and you can’t do that with the memories of me holding you back.”

Without warning, Jiwon hurls the pillow she had been holding onto at him, only to have it drop to the floor instead. Jaejoong doesn’t even react. He simply keeps his gaze down.

“You bought a fucking ring, Jaejoong! You were about to propose!”

He looks at her then, pained and guilty. “Jiwon, please.”

For a moment, they could only exchange silent stares. He watches as her chest heaves up and down, trying to hold back the tears while his own heart had long stopped beating. If he could take away her pain and felt for her instead, he would do it in a heartbeat.

“You wanted to propose?” her tone softens, lips quivering as the anger subsides and sadness overwhelms instead. “You told me you didn’t believe in marriages.”

“I don’t,” he says quietly. “Or at least I used to not to. But you do - and I think if it was with you, I could make it work. Because I love you and I love us. And I love the idea of our little family taking trips together and just —“

Jiwon doesn’t let him finish. She didn’t hesitate when she throws herself at him and presses her lips against his, ignoring the fact that he couldn’t be real and so the kiss wouldn’t be real - but she misses him too much and her love for him has never been more alive.

Perhaps, it was really all in her head. Maybe she wants to believe it so much - she feels Jaejoong kissing her back, feverishly and just as passionate as he has always been.

For the first time that night in a long while, Jiwon slept soundly because she was finally safe in Jaejoong’s arms.

 

 

 

He is still there the next morning when she wakes up, peering down closely from the top of her head, giving her a warm smile. She snuggles up closer, feeling lighter than she’s had in weeks - temporarily forgetting that none of it is real.

“Your snores are still as loud as ever.”

Jiwon jerks up in retaliation, glaring venomously at the laughing Jaejoong who couldn’t care less about the trouble he’s getting himself into. She opens her mouth to say something, but then the doorbell suddenly rings, cutting her off.

Raising an eyebrow, she looks up at him questioningly. Jaejoong merely shrugs. “I’m a ghost, not a psychic. I have no idea who’s standing outside the door right now.”

Groaning, she pushes the cover away and climbs out of the bed reluctantly. She wanted to stay in all day and not care about anything else, but whoever it is, they sure are persistent about being let in.

To her surprise, Junho’s smiling face greets her like the rays of sun seeping through the open blinds - a little too bright for her liking. He holds up two paper bags in his hands and says, “I got us breakfast.”

 

 

 

For a while, they sat in silence, while Jiwon pretended to be immersed in her food, wanting to avoid conversation. Junho clears his throat first, crumpling the wrapping paper in his fist and throws it into one of the empty paper bag.

He takes a sip of his drink, the coffee aroma wafting through the kitchen space and Jiwon couldn’t help noticing how he had made himself comfortable in Jaejoong’s chair.

 _That isn’t fair,_ she thinks to herself, _he knows nothing about Jaejoong -_

“I know about him,” he blurts out suddenly, as though reading her thoughts. “I know what happened and I just want to say how terribly sorry I am.”

She wants to ask him how but he beats her to it. “When you just... _disappeared_ after our date that night, I didn’t feel good so I checked in with Seojoon. He was the one who told me about...Jaejoong. I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have known about this but I was really worried about you.”

She averts her gaze carefully, pretending to be interested in arranging the canisters in front of her. She could feel Junho’s inquisitive eyes watching her every move closely, as though afraid she would break at the mere mention of his name. Maybe, she would’ve a few days ago - but remembering the night she had just spent with Jaejoong somehow made her stronger than she had ever been and it was all she needed to muster the courage to smile and say, “Thank you for your concern. And I’m sorry for not returning your calls or texts but I just needed space to figure some things out. I’m okay now, thank you for coming all the way just to check up on me.”

“Jiwon - “ he begins, placing his hand on top of hers, which she was quick to pull away and knocking one of the canister over. Jumping to her feet, she grabs the closest napkin she could find and hurriedly wipe the spilled sugar, refusing to meet Junho’s eyes.

At that moment, she feels another presence standing behind her but she couldn’t bring herself to look at _him_ either. He would probably just say something stupid like _‘you shouldn’t have done that’_ or worse ‘ _he really likes you’_ and she just couldn’t deal with any of it right now.

Junho seems to have gotten the hint that his presence is not quite welcomed anymore, so thankfully he stands up and takes the trash bag along with him.

“I’ll throw this for you on my way out,” he pauses for a moment, clears his throat and says, “I’m sorry again if I’ve crossed the line. Take all the time you need. I’m here for you.”

Jiwon merely shrugs, not knowing what else to say. She simply lets Junho leaves by himself without another word. It isn’t until she hears the lock clicks that she heaves out a loud, deep sigh.

Jaejoong leans against the refrigerator casually with his arms crossed. She doesn’t like the way he is watching her, as though he has a lot of things to say and none of it will please her. But instead, he turns and walks back into the living room without saying anything.

And for the first time, she feels that his silence is more heartbreaking than his words would ever be.

 

 

 


End file.
